I want to bring
this to your attention because even though this subject alone has been discussed
time and time again; nothing really seems to change… And things, in my opinion,
aren't going to change unless parents change. Why? Because unless parents start
to care enough to make changes in their own life styles to allow their children
to grow in a healthy, loving environment, things will stay the same. This happens either because parents are in
denial, are oblivious or simply don’t deserve their children.
So,
are parents to blame for the bullying brought upon the “nice kids”? Absolutely!
I don’t care
what anyone says… It most definitely
starts first and foremost at home with the parents. Why? Because if a child isn't being taught
respect at home they won’t show anyone respect and you simply just can’t expect
it to just happen. If children witness
violence in their home, they may not at first show it in the home, but will
reflect violence towards others eventually.
Why? Because this is what the child is being taught as normal
socializing.
Take for example
a preschooler at age four that spits, hits, bites and cruses words you
wouldn't imagine a child had in their vocabulary. Where would you think the child is learning
these ill habits? The parents! Even if the parents of the child seem like
the kindest most loving people in the world…
It’s usually always the parents or caregiver.
Maybe
you don’t believe it or don’t want to believe that it’s true…
Well, take my
experience for instance… I met a woman
at a job interview once and we started talking and realized we had some things
in common like our children’s ages etc… So after we were both hired we
exchanged information and had a play-date. Everything seemed fine and I even
trusted her to babysit my kids once so I could join my dad to a doctor’s
appointment. She seemed completely
normal and we talked almost every day over the phone. But then she started to hint at me that she
was having problems… I didn't want to pry so I let her tell me when she was
ready. Finally she did and she was being
sued for something very severe, she went through the whole spill and I believed
she was innocent (never found out the outcome of it).
Later she introduced me to a friend of hers
that had moved in with her and had a young daughter. Her friend in private
confessed to me that she was having trouble balancing work and picking up her
daughter from school but wouldn't ask our now mutual friend to babysit. I was kind of shocked because I knew my new
found friend wouldn't say no to her, but then again her little son was quiet
rude and would hit and curse (I had pretty much stop doing the play-dates all
together after I witnessed the ill behavior from the child and left my kids
with my husband, she seemed to understand and didn't anger) I liked her, but
not her son (and mostly certainly didn't want my kids getting hurt or picking up
bad habits, (thank goodness they didn't during the one time I allowed them to be
babysat by this women) and really didn't understand why he was this way… after
all she had an older daughter and she seemed very sweet, even polite, as was
her mother...
So, why was the little boy
so… cruel to others….? Well, she went as
far as to say that a family member taught him bad words and now couldn't get
him to stop saying them. I also knew
that she and the husband had been having marital issues. What I learned that day when speaking to her
friend/roommate was that it was far beyond what I knew and what she had told
me… evidently, they fought not just verbally in disagreement, but really fought
violently verbally and physically with the children watching almost daily… I was in complete disbelief… it’s not to say
that she didn't love her kids, I think she and her husband did, but were too
focused on themselves to realize how selfish and cruel they were behaving and neglecting
the quality care all children of any age deserve.
Then I knew why
her dear little boy was so violent. It
wasn't because he randomly picked up habits and behavior from random strangers
and friends or other family members he had.
It was solely because the parents of this child that had become a bully
had no regard for his impressionable mind and presence… Why the older child behaved differently could
be because she was older and learned how to shield and hide her feelings to
protect herself from harm, in my opinion.
While your
friends and even family might seem as though they have it together but one or
more of their dear children are out of control… first question why? Then the parents or even guardians and people
we leave our children with most of the day when we are off at work earning a
living to provide and give the best we can to our kids.
I did try to
give this women advice and even had compassion for the poor boy and tried to
talk to him when he’d allow it and show him someone cared. Sadly I couldn't continue this friendship; I
had to put my family’s well-being first and after being falsely accused of
calling Child Protective Services on their family I knew that their problems
were far beyond what my friendship could provide and rejected the invitation to
rebuild it. Though I am glad that
someone was able to see what was happening and cared enough to try to save
these children’s innocence from the outside.
Bullies are not born, they are created period.
Getting Help and Helping Others
No comments:
Post a Comment